An anonymous submission.
I’m a heterosexual cis-female and I always hated sex. Nice to meet you.
One might assume my disdain stemmed from trauma or a physical ailment. Nope. I’m incredibly privileged and haven’t experienced anything that would invoke negative associations with sex. Was I with the wrong partners? Nope. I’ve only ever slept with people I genuinely loved, always valuing the power of a connection. Yet, I consistently felt I was never able to be fully present and enjoy the moment. I started to resent sex. I thought, maybe it’s just not for me. I began to accept that hypothesis.
As I reached my 30th year, I decided to focus more on my spiritual wellness. In other words, it was high time for me to work on myself. I leaned in to this uncomfortable task, cracking my hard shell. I started using cannabis at the recommendation of a cousin. I noticed a positive effect almost immediately. It really enhanced my personal awareness, and that’s when my progress truly began.
While medicated, I dug into my subconscious and finally identified why I didn’t enjoy sex. To cut to the chase, it was performance anxiety. Shit couldn’t be any clearer. It was my aha moment. Although I’d been intimate with decent men, I never realized I was worried about their perceptions of me. Deep down, I wanted to be the best they ever had. I always thought I didn’t give a flying leap what anyone thought of me… but sometimes, you can surprise yourself. Weed can do that.
As I continued medicating, I became more interested in cannabis culture. Over coffee one morning, I was scrolling through Instagram and discovered a post about the benefits of weed for women who struggle with intercourse. I was hooked in by the headline and delved into research. My hope and optimism surfaced. I grabbed a joint, bought cannabis lubricant, and wished myself the best.
First, I tried the flower and oil combination solo. I felt way more in tune with my body and mind. I touched myself with intention and felt free. That night, I had the most intense orgasm of my life; the sensations were more pronounced. I was so ecstatic. I finally found my pleasure and began re-thinking my resentment towards physical intimacy. My optimism grew even more. I thought, maybe I can really enjoy this thing called sex.
Soon after, I experimented with my partner of 9 years. I felt the same sense of liberation and presence. It was amazing, a real breakthrough. After this second try, I was fully sold. Cannabis was the missing piece of the puzzle, and I wasn’t ashamed. I felt relieved, enthusiastic and fulfilled. I was ready to fully accept and embrace the joys of sex.
When sharing my experience with close friends, a few were judgmental. They wondered if I was slapping a bandaid on a bigger issue; as if weed was my “herbal courage.” This is one of the faces of stigma. Many consumers deal with such cynical reactions. My response: cannabis heals me. Why would I go back to that dark place if weed makes things better? I’m pretty sure the former is more dangerous than the latter. It’s nonsensical. Oh, and it’s my fucking choice.
Today, I’m still so happy. My sex life isn’t perfect, but it’s definitely a hell of a lot better. All said and done, I hope that anyone looking to heal considers cannabis as a viable remedy. It helped me find my pleasure, and it might help you too.
But let me be clear: it’s not for everyone and that’s ok. You’ll find your pleasure. You’re worthy and deserve to feel amazing.